I still consider making Gmod images art, but I'm really asking about drawing and writing and that sort of thing.
I still get ideas and inspiration all the time now, even more so when I'm at work and that sort of thing. But when I sit down and I've got all the tools I need in front of me...I do nothing.
Even when I'm in my digital painting class, everyone else loves just drawing their hearts out during lectures, and here I am just sitting there. Sometimes I don't think I should consider myself an artist anymore.
At this point the only thing close to motivation is the feeling of dread looming in the back of my mind that all the money that was put into my education was for nothing, and that I have to do something so my parents don't get pissed off. But even then, I'm still here.
I'm almost 30. It's been almost a decade since I graduated from high school. Why have I not gotten a real job in my field yet? I'm pretty sure it's because I'm too lazy to do anything important.
I wish that the part of my mind that's holding me back could just go away. It's weird, I'm not even angry at it, though I know I should be. I should be pissed off, with fire in my belly, ready to tear life a new one and following my dreams.
But I'm not.
A friend of mine once asked me to define tragedy. I was convinced at the time that a situation could only be tragic if death was involved. It wasn't until later I realized that tragedy is defined by loss, not necessarily death. Be it the loss of a good childhood, the loss of an opportunity, or a loss of one's rights as a human being.
My tragedy is the loss of my time and talent.
Am I still an artist? I don't know anymore.